I am probably not the only one that has these thoughts but for a while now I have been feeling like I am not good enough. I have been noticing my strengths, reframing my thoughts etc and I know I have a car, a house, parents that love me, and a job but I still feel like I am not good enough.
I tell myself I wouldn’t have these things if it weren’t for my parents. I don’t own the car as my mum lent it to me (even though I pay for registration, insurance, and petrol). I don’t own the house as I rent from my parents and they subsidise the rent, and my parents love me and I have a close relationship with them but not with my sister. And I have job which I probably wouldn’t have found if it weren’t for my Mum and my Aunty.
So there are negatives to my life that make me feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I haven’t pushed myself hard enough and everything was just handed to me and I feel like I haven’t really achieved anything on my own.
I know I have though like I have three qualifications under my belt – an Advanced Diploma in Advertising and Graphic Design, a Certificate 4 in Business Admin, and a Certificate 3 in Aged Care. I studied hard for these qualifications and did to the best to my abilities to make sure I pass. I asked questions, and got help from my lecturers when I needed it. I should be very proud to have completed all three qualifications but I feel like it’s not enough. I feel like I should complete a bachelor degree to make it enough. One of my biggest regrets is not finishing my bachelor degree in nursing because I failed third year placement and did not want to finish it because I felt depressed at that time so I dropped out. So now I want to challenge myself to complete a bachelor degree but I don’t know what yet. I have done research and gone through all the degrees at Adelaide Uni, UniSA and Flinders Uni and I feel like none of them suit me. So what am I good at? Should I do something creative since I already have graphic design skills? Then my aged care will go to waste so should I do something related to aged care or health? Because I have more experience in that area. If I go down the latter path it will lead me back to nursing and I still have anxiety when it comes to nursing because it reminds me of my bad experiences.
All this researching is not making me feel good about myself. I feel like I am not good enough or good in anything. What should I do? I have looked in and am interested in communication and media, which is not related to aged care at all. So it makes me feel guilty. I am interested in psychological science but I don’t want to be a practicing psychologist. I just want to have a qualification that will open career opportunities and I have always been interested in learning about the mind. I remember enjoying learning about psychology in nursing. It will let me have a better job then what I am doing now.
I feel like I am not good enough because I am not a lawyer, or doctor. My parents want me to advance my career so I have pressure from them. But why do we have to? Why can’t working be enough? As long as we are happy with what we are doing it should be enough. Dad says that’s not right though and just the lazy way out. My dad is very traditional and has worked hard to be where he is today so he wants to force this thinking on us.
So now I am wanting to have a better job than what I am doing now. Even though I work in aged care and is helping people, it is not good enough. I feel like a disappointment sometimes and I am putting pressure on myself to be good enough. It’s just taking a long time to be good enough or be where I ought to be. I should be in a job that earns lots of money, and to have a family of my own. Is that the key to being good enough or being successful in life?
What are your thoughts on this? It’s great that I can get my thoughts out and get advice once a week on personal issues I am going through. Let’s help each other out!
Love Nat xx